Thursday, November 13, 2008

A strange 48 hours

The last few days have been strange. It is likely they are going to take William's new line out tomorrow. I say likely as that is the way things are today. Yesterday it was definate but his blood tests are improving suggesting the antibiotics are kicking in and at least supporting his body in coping with the infection if not killing it off. I am waiting to hear if this is enough to convince the doctors to leave the line in for a bit longer. They are applying for funding and permission to try the immunoglobulins and I feel we should at least try something new before pulling another line when it is so likely a replacement will be infected as quickly as this one was.

What was particularly upsetting is that tomorrow is 'D's' funeral and I really want to be there to say goodbye and support his family. If William goes into theatre I will, of course, have to stay here. Either way, I think tommorow will be an emotional day.

The last 48 hours have been emotional. I was almost in tears when I was telling the ward sister here about the little girl (who from now on here I will call Sally but it isn't her real name) getting her transplant. From day to day, I pretty much keep a lid on my emotions. Hope and Ellie have both asked me about that but it is important to keep going. It is when other people are going through things that I tend to let it out as it is more controlled that way. Once the floodgate is up I, of course, let it all out in spectacular fashion and feel much better for it. I know this will happen if I make it to the funeral. It will start off with tears for D and the family and once it has started it will all pour out. Sometimes I feel guilty for that but I know he wouldn't mind. He would have had some funny one liner to say about it I am sure as that was his style. His wife is hoping there will be some chuckles through the tears tomorro as he was such a funny man. There will be I know. The strange thing is that his cancer really bought his personality out. I didn't know him as the man I loved and will miss so much before he had his cancer and started sharing this incredible bond with William.

Of course, Sally's transplant has also been emotional for me. She had a perfect match and is doing really well. I am so pleased for them but I do so much want that for William. I felt a lot better for the blog comments - thank-you. I felt others sharing their experiences with this one gave me permission to feel this way and to be able to communicate it too. I really felt that William could not be called for transplant for a good long time after Sally as it would just be too much of a coincidence. Thanks to 'M' from transplant kids for telling me that someone had a transplant the day before hers and that she knows of weeks when they have done 2 or even 3 bowel/liver transplants. I'm sure there is still the same chance he could get called now as in 8 months time. Everyday is as likely as any other I guess. It is so hard to live this day to day life though. It can be exhausting. I will be so glad to get home and have some normality.


LMP said...

Hang in there. Williams turn WILL come. My fingers are crossed that it is soon and I am praying for you.

suzie said...

Praying extra specialy hard for William to get his call.

Sarah I'm sending you the biggest (((HUGS))) and much love always.