Sunday, January 04, 2009

Feeling Magical

William and I were both sad to see the end of 'Christmas on CBEEBIES' today. All the Christmas songs had been replaced by the usual ones about numbers and recycling. Couldn't they have given us one more day of the festive stuff today? They sing about the 12 days of Christmas so they could have kept the song going until they were all over. Outside out door, all the Christmas decorations were being taken down and the bedspace occupied by the tree reopened. Normal business has been resumed with planned admissions for surgery, assessments and routine biopsies. There has been a really homely atmosphere on the ward over the last couple of weeks. The main bay had a huge tree standing next to the TV with a table of nibbles beside it. It really did have the feel of a living room.

I always feel a bit sad at the end of Christmas. I have a tradition to take down the decorations (which go up on December 1st) on the evening of 12th Night. I have one final little Christmassy moment with a glass of sherry and a mince pie whilst I watch, listen to or read something festive. Then I take it all down. I was going to do the same tomorrow but William fancied watching 'The Snowman'. We switched off the lights and huddled together beside our little tree. I didn't have my sherry but did nibble a mince pie as we watched it. I read on the side of a packet of Marks and Spencers mini mince pies that tradition holds that it is lucky to eat a pie on each of the 12 days of Chrismas. What a great excuse! 'The Snowman' is my ultimate film to induce the feeling of Christmas magic. It never fails. I found myself reliving the amazing Christmas we have had this year.

When you are an adult, something of the magic goes out of Christmas. It is still a wonderful time of year and there is lots to enjoy but the enchantment is left behind. This year, I found that magic again. It was amazing to be together with all three children again and being together made it truely special for all of us. We were forced to strip Christmas down to what is really important. In fact, we have all rediscovered what is really important about life. I am sure that this magic wil remain with us. We felt like the luckiest family alive on Christmas day. It was wonderful and that is the feeling I was reminded of whilst I sat with William today. I wanted to capture every element of how I felt and how this Christmas has felt. I want to remember it, to hold onto it. I am sure I will.

Transplants change people in amazing ways and change those close to them. I remember an image at the 'Transplant' art installation I went to with Hope. It was of a pair of twins and it was the twin who had not been transplanted who had experienced the biggest emotional journey. We have all been changed in the last seven weeks. We have all grown and I know that I feel very different inside than I ever have before. It is more than just raw emotion that will only exist at this moment in time. This experience has shaped me, is shaping me. I am looking forward to seeing where this will take me in the next twelve months.

In the meantime, we took our decorations down after our 'Snowman moment'. That was more than sufficient to be my last moment of Christmas magic. The cards on our walls and notice board have been replaced with drug and fluid balance charts. This is the week where I begin to get really organised with all the elements of William's care. I am hoping all this will have fallen into my responsibility by the end of the week. I am hoping we will be at home.


Cat said...

aaaw hunny...thanks for sharing..I have a wee tear in my eye now...I know exactly how you feel with your "magical" Christmas once you have travelled upon the road you do truly know what's special in life.Did you read the comments posted by some parents on Raising Kids forum the post I posted was "what does a Christmas miracle look like?" with a link to the blog and esp the made a couple of those reading realise what's important in their lives..not presents and tinsel but health and happiness!
Cat x

Becky said...

It's great to hear that you regained your Christmas Magic, even when your Christmas wasn't what people might expect to be a great Christmas - it really does show what Christmas is really about! Lots of love, Becky x

Molly said...

Hi Sarah,

I'm very glad your Christmas has been magical, even though like Becky said, it's not what most people would expect to be a great Christmas. As you know I was in over the Christmas period 2 years ago, so your descriptions of the ward over Christmas have brought lots of memories back for me.

I hope you can soon get Wills home.
Moll x x

Jac said...

Beautiful post xx