To Jess!

Jess - how I will remember her

I made a New Year's resolution to keep this blog updated at least every few days. So far, I have failed. The truth is, I may be a writer, but this week I've been finding it hard to find the words.

On 28th December, just 3 weeks ago, I wrote this

Jess's call really was magic, something I was beginning to think wouldn't happen. The magic continued and each day bought news of a slow and steady recovery. I was beginning to look forward to the day she'd be well enough for visitors so I could give her and her Mum a huge hug. I was beginning to look forward to watching her mature into the amazing woman I knew she'd be. Jess took those wonderful breaths with her new lungs and she and her family will have been making plans for a wonderful future. Then, on Tuesday night, all this was snatched away from them. Jess had waited so long her body just couldn't cope. It's just so unfair and I' struggling to come to terms with it. To get the call, to receive the gift, to take those breaths and have it all taken away again. I'm devastated and can't begin to imagine how her family are feeling right now.

All I do know is that I, and those others involved in Save Jess and live life then give life did all we could, we really did. I've been going over it and over it and we did. I will continue to do all I can. I'm redoubling my efforts, trippling them!

Wednesday was one of the most horrific days of my life. We embraced media with savejess and save jess-tival. We made it high impact so, naturally, the media wanted to share how this story ended. I can't begin to explain how horrible it is to confirm over and over again that your friend has died when you're only trying to come to terms with something that happened the day before. I had prepared myself for it. I even told someone earlier the same day that I had steeled myself and was ready, could cope. How wrong I was. I don't think anything could have prepared me for that day in all honesty. It was a very long day and I'm still pretty exhausted. I'm just glad that, by doing that, I was able to spare her family having to face such calls. I must say, the media were fantastic, sympathetic and understanding. Most had been following her story and she had touched their lives too. Here are some of the tributes they paid her:

Stuart Linnell on BBC Northampton (33 mins in)

BBC Kent

KMFM

Sky News

and here, Jess tells her own story:

Jess touched so many lives. I had to email, call and text all sorts of people from the media and celebrity world on Tuesday. I even had a conversation with Sarah Brown, who was wonderful and so supportive. In fact Sarah, it you're reading, you were so calming and made me feel so much better.

I'm honoured to be able to call her my friend. Just before Christmas, her Mum told me she saw my family and I as her family. I see Jess and hers in the same way. This is agonising but I will keep her memory and her legacy alive and keep on working and fighting for a day when people don't wait too long for transplants.

Now my tears are back and I'm in Starbucks and don't want to look a numpty so I'm leaving this entry with the toast I made to Jess when we all raised a glass on Wednesday:

To Jess! To your fight, your spirit, your smile, your love for life, your tenacity, your passion and to everything you should have been with them in the future you never had. I promise I will fight to make that future possible for all those waiting for transplant you cared so much about. God bless you. Fly High beautiful angel. Heaven is a better place for you being there and earth is sadder x x x